Key
From Candor
2016
The bones for Insidious were written in 2016, when I was trying out sounds for the Worry Box project as Perpetual Emotion Machine. I was wanting to have a rap vocalist write material for this arrangement, and there were a couple of attempts, but nothing came to fruition at that time.
After it sat with it for a bit at various points, with various ideas not really fleshing out, I eventually pulled this track among others from the archives to perform live at a private event with Jay Macdonald, where he and I did an instrumental keyboard jam over the track. It was very well received.
Then, in a flurry of creative thought, I write lyrics for this. I really loved the tone and the feel of the track and wanted to include it on Candor somehow, but did not want a strictly instrumental piece on there since it was meant to be a vocal album. So, it became Free To Leave, and the lyrics really served to set the context for the rest of the songs on the album, and the journey for the listener as well.
The first title of the song, Insidious, was always meant to indicate a particular emotion, that of frustration of that little voice or train of thought in your head that tells you you are nothing, and prevents you from becoming better. Once the lyrics were written, I realized that what this song really was about was suicide. Not the act itself, or even the desire to commit it. But that inner dialog that a person might have if their thoughts and feelings were quietly and insidiously leading toward it. In my case, I have never considered suicide, but I certainly have been in positions where I could see someone else considering it in my shoes. So my lyrics are about that conversation I had with myself during those times.
Insidious (Original Demo)
Key
This original arrangement from 2016 is vocal-less and has only the sequenced parts created.
Insidious (The Live Occurance)
Key / Jay Macdonald
The variant of the song which was performed live in 2023. Not appearing.
Free To Leave
Key
The final album version, with vocals, from Candor.
Credits
written, produced and arranged by Key.
Lyrics
In my mind’s eye
I can see that I am not worth anything
It’s not a lie
it’s a truth so loud it’s almost deafening
When I wake up
The first thought I have is ‘here we go again’
I’m so fed up
Just going through the usual ado again
It’s so hard now
When everything inside is telling me
Just give up now
The voice will not let me be free
Live here and now
Even though it really seems impossible
I don’t know how
To believe that happiness is plausible
Carry on now
You’ve got to want a life that’s worth saving
If not, then how
Will you ever become free to leave
In my mind’s eye
I believe that I am not worth anything
But if I try
I can make the thought less threatening
Carry on now
You’ve got to live a life that’s worth saving
If not, then how
Will I ever become free to stay